Just remembered: went to Buckingham Palace this year and forgot to tell you about it. Here's the story.
Santa-Con
Santa-Con shows us just how badly most of us want to be part of something. And also that most things we pick are really stupid.
Big decision
After much deliberation, I've decided eggnog is my favorite drink that looks like ejaculate.
Don't get your hair cut in a bad mood
Felt a little blue today, so I went for a haircut. You know what's not helpful when you feel bad? Staring at your reflection for 30 minutes.
I get how young people talk
I want calamari tonight. #squidgoals
Brain
My brain is a website and it has one troll and he's me.
Food
Me: I need to stop using food to deal with my problems.Calendar: get ready for two giant holidays all about food!
An important message from the Chairman
I believe there is an after-life. But it's very short. Basically just a pro forma exit interview.
I have so many great ideas for TV shows
Show idea. "MTV Presents: Shopping and Fucking"
Hotline Bling
https://vine.co/v/e99JqpwFjZe I watched the new video three times, and there is zero difference between Drake and how my Dad dances at a wedding.
Golden age of television
Question
I have tried all 6 flavors of Mountain Dew: Kickstart. Why am I still unhappy?
Hollywood heist
Couldn't make it up: producer alleges the Warner Brothers mob stole $18 million in 'Goodfellas' profits from him. And I crunched the numbers - $18 million is exactly what the stolen Lufthansa heist cash would be worth today.
Flip phones
People who own flip phones are either spiritually wise to the moral danger of techo-dissonance, or just homeless.
Way off-Broadway
My one-man show will be called: "Why Did I Eat That?"
Facebook may soon add a 'dislike' button
I'm looking forward to disliking my own Facebook posts.
I'm PC, Bro
I don't fight political correctness. I embrace it. I declare 10-15 trigger warnings, every time I speak, so no one can possibly be offended.
We need drugs
Big Pharma should isolate the chemical compound secreted by sassy black women. The rest of us really need a prescription.
Gut check
When was the last time you said - out loud - something you believe to be true, that 99% of other people do not?
Cinema Paradiso
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=stLekU5BnbI FYI: just watched the director's cut of Cinema Paradiso. So I'll be crying a lot, for no reason and in public, all week.