EMOTIONAL TERMS OF SERVICE

Thank you for paying attention to my work.

By viewing, reading, listening to, commenting upon, or sharing this work, either online or in any other context, you agree to the following terms:

  1. You can hate my work. I am free not to care.

  2. You can say terrible things about my work. I am free to ignore you, or respond with passive-aggressive statements such as “thanks!” or “you seem fun!”

  3. You can feel embarrassment and “cringe” on my behalf that I made and circulated this work. In that event, I am free to reiterate the following:

    • Dude, trust me: I am also slightly embarrassed by it.

    • I wish I didn’t have to create things like this, but I have done the psychological calculations, and it is ultimately MORE painful for me NOT to create and circulate this than it is to create it. Life is about trade-offs, and this is the best trade-off I know how to make right now.

  4. You can cringe at the fact that you even know me, or share membership with me in any group, such as:

    • Biological family

    • Extended non-biological family

    • Friendship circle

    • Alumnae of various schools

    • Various companies/places of employment

    • Nationality

    • Race

    • Gender

    • Species

Please understand I had no wish to embarrass you or our shared groups. But somebody let me into this group, so what does that say about the group, hmmm? If an apology is requested, I will hear you out. If deletions of works are requested, I will consider them in accordance with my deletions policy.

5. Deletions policy -- I’m probably not going to delete things. But you can ask.

6. You can think this work is terrible. Please understand that I, too, in whole or in part, consider it to be kind of terrible, or at least, not as good as I wanted it to be, or hoped it could have been. But if I waited for it to be perfect, or as good as it could possibly be, I would be paralyzed forever. Perhaps that would have been a preferable outcome for you. That would be a reasonable position. But it is not my position.

7. You may think that creating this work was a total waste of time. On this, we agree. It was a complete and utter waste of both your time, and mine. But what else is time for, if not to waste it? What need do any of us have for writing stories, making films, baking cakes, kicking footballs, growing roses, or playing the flute? The need is both zero and infinite. I don’t know why. It just is.

8. Any and all legal objections to these emotional terms of service should be addressed, in writing, to:

Domino’s Pizza

30 Frank Lloyd Wright Drive

Ann Arbor, MI 48105