Children talking like adults, Google’s pain, + R.I.P. the Jonathan Demme close-up. All this and much more in my newsletter this week. Read it here.
Newsletter 22: England's smallest castle is for sale
*READ IT HERE.*
Newsletter 21: Please criticize me anonymously
*READ IT HERE.*
Advice on getting me gifts.
I'm tough to buy for, because I can never say what I really want: land.
Pokemon Go seems like Grindr for Kids.
Really?
Americans keep asking why my country revolted against rule from Europe. With zero irony.
Post-Brexit message
The U.K. has made a seismic choice to leave Europe. Let me reassure my fans: I will still be at the Hartford Funny Bone on July 21. #Brexit
Fun show
On Hot Soup tonight. Come! It'll be fun.
Can't argue with it
Details here: http://ift.tt/1Ob03js
New York needs a Statue of Responsibility.
That's not my idea. It's Viktor Frankl's.
I’m basically an anorexic with zero willpower.
It's going to happen.
It won't be long before you hear this, said sincerely: "I write emoji poetry."
When you know you're killing it
I am listening to Viktor Frankl's "Man's Search For Meaning" on audio-book while scheduling tweets.
R.I.P. Johan Cruyff
Can't believe Johan #Cruyff has died. I prefer to think he pretended to die, and sent the world media in entirely the wrong direction.
This disgusting Brussels attack
What a glorious chapter in the annals of warfare. Killing 14 unarmed people by the Starbucks in Terminal B. True valor. #Brussels
An important message from the Chairman
I think there's a market for this.
An important message from the Chairman
"Once an audience realizes that their approval is irrelevant to you, they often relax and start to give it to you." - Stewart Lee
An important message from the Chairman
I'm writing a radio play for Carrot Top. First line: "Look at this crazy prop". "And how about this one?" is his second.
An important message from the Chairman
This person is a badass. I had no idea this was an issue. Please consider supporting RISE and Sexual Assault Survivors’ Rights Act. http://ift.tt/1oEGFFB
I hate astrology.
No one knows what "Mercury in retrograde" means. Go ahead: ask anyone who says it. They don't have one clue. And while we're at it, why the hell do we still talk about this shit anyway? Horoscopes are a medieval superstition, but they're still in newspapers. Why? No one turns to the sports page for witch burning results.