I'm tough to buy for, because I can never say what I really want: land.
Americans keep asking why my country revolted against rule from Europe. With zero irony.
The U.K. has made a seismic choice to leave Europe. Let me reassure my fans: I will still be at the Hartford Funny Bone on July 21. #Brexit
That's not my idea. It's Viktor Frankl's.
It won't be long before you hear this, said sincerely: "I write emoji poetry."
I am listening to Viktor Frankl's "Man's Search For Meaning" on audio-book while scheduling tweets.
Can't believe Johan #Cruyff has died. I prefer to think he pretended to die, and sent the world media in entirely the wrong direction.
What a glorious chapter in the annals of warfare. Killing 14 unarmed people by the Starbucks in Terminal B. True valor. #Brussels
I think there's a market for this.
"Once an audience realizes that their approval is irrelevant to you, they often relax and start to give it to you." - Stewart Lee
I'm writing a radio play for Carrot Top. First line: "Look at this crazy prop". "And how about this one?" is his second.
This person is a badass. I had no idea this was an issue. Please consider supporting RISE and Sexual Assault Survivors’ Rights Act. http://ift.tt/1oEGFFB
No one knows what "Mercury in retrograde" means. Go ahead: ask anyone who says it. They don't have one clue. And while we're at it, why the hell do we still talk about this shit anyway? Horoscopes are a medieval superstition, but they're still in newspapers. Why? No one turns to the sports page for witch burning results.