New jokes (that just might stay fresh)

Alcohol will solve any problem, just temporarily. It's like duct tape you can drink. I get butterflies whenever my wife walks into the room. She's covered in caterpillars.

I like my sex like I like my coffee: when my wife's away. She thinks caffeine is bad for me. God, I love her so much.

I'd rather be black than gay, but if it's on the table I'd prefer both.