New jokes (that'll be old soon)

Cops have arrested a senior Tiffany's executive for stealing from the company. Told them those jewel-encrusted staplers were a bad idea. Governor Chris Christie has made a playlist for music website Spotify. He says it's eclectic: perfect for a jog, the gym, and hanging with paramedics afterwards.

A key part of Obamacare will be delayed for one year, says the White House, but then we'll definitely get it. Definitely next year. Isn't it great when the President sounds like a coach who missed the playoffs?