Why I am furious

I am furious over nothing about 70 % of the time. These things are in my head and sucking up all my mental energy today: - I am furious at a friend who I’ve helped a lot over the last few years, but who then asked me to do a big thing for her. I said I was excited about it. I was lying. I didn’t do the thing she asked. I continued to lie that I wanted to do the thing. I lied for two years while I continued not doing it. Eventually she called me out on it. I am furious at her, despite the fact she is 100% in the right. My brain thinks that because I’ve helped her in the past, I should get a medal now, instead of feel bad for repeatedly lying and letting her down. Which I definitely did. What a bitch.

- I am furious at another friend for never calling me. Do I call him? No. But I sent the last email, so fuck him, right?

- I am furious at my parents for coming to visit me and loving me and renting a house by a lake that I get to swim in this summer while they ask how I’m doing and take a genuine interest. What a bunch of dicks.

- I am furious at my job that is very flexible, pays me fairly, and treats me with respect. Utter, utter dicks.

- I am furious that Ms. McKintee from Middle School allowed me to ignore her when she tried to teach me touch-typing, sending me into a computer-based world without a basic skill. I chose to slack off. It was my decision but it’s still 100% her fault. Are we clear?

- I am furious at me. That guy is a total asshole.