We need a simple way to communicate this sentiment:
"I saw you on public transportation today and I very much wanted to say hi. But I didn't want to bother you, so I didn't say hello. I'm concerned you think that I noticed you BUT avoided you because I don't like you. I definitely do like you, but wanted to respect your space."
Is there a word we can invent that does all that work?
Thirties life
Put two men in their 30s in a locked room. It's a matter of "when", not "if" they start discussing real estate.
Special People Ep. #17: Mike Sacks
I had swell dude author @michaelbsacks on the Special People Podcast. Great talk. Take a listen: http://ift.tt/1KihIIt
I hate Gawker
Urgh. Gawker. This "site" exudes the same kind of inner evil that seeps out of UK tabloids. They are so quick to claim the "we're muckrakers, we're independent, we speak truth to power" mantle. But they're the worst sort of chimp-mind bullies, tearing people down for no other reason than to justify their own misanthropy. Also, if they spoke truth to power, they'd write about prison reform or the drug war. Not hideous clickbait about Angelina Jolie's busted tits.
Vag-azzle your cat's butthole
This is a thing: you can vag-azzle your cat's butthole. http://twinkletush.com/
Some thank-yous
I want to give a shout-out to mountains. They've always been there.
If you ever say "pun intended"...
... I "intend" to never be friends.
Not everyone is happy
"Shit". (-Guy who told GF he wouldn't get married 'til everyone could)
Special times
I'm in that moment, between accomplishing something good, and realizing it's not good enough. What a two minutes.
Umbrella life
No one "owns" an umbrella. You rent it from the cosmos. You lose it. Someone finds it. And the circle of life begins again.
Dull dreams
Recent nightmare: I'm driving down a long tunnel, when I notice the fuel light is on. Pretty boring. Even my subconscious is phoning it in.
Every week
"I just need to get through this week, and then I'll have time to do some stuff." - me, once a week, the last 697 weeks.
The best argument for having kids?
There aren't that many "only children". Most couples have one kid, decide it's fun, and do it again.
Offices are unhelpful
Offices are terrible places to get work done. We’ve created these environments of such ease and leisure, it’s a miracle anything gets accomplished at all. Think about the typical office. You’re allowed to distract yourself whenever you want. Bit of Facebook? Fine. Some light YouTubing? Knock yourself out. You’re allowed to go to the bathroom whenever you like. Remember allocated bathroom breaks? Those are gone. In fact, even the words “bathroom break” sound antique. Like “Conestoga wagon” or “leech therapy”.
You can head to the break room for coffee (or hot/cold beverage of your choice) whenever you want. Or you can just sit and zone out in your chair. Oh, and there’s good news about that chair: it’s a special, ergonomically designed chair that’s more comfortable than any piece of furniture you actually own. Sit back. Relax. Let it cradle you.
The heat and air-conditioning are constantly shifting and adjusting to protect your comfort. You can find a laugh or a thought-provoking moment whenever you want on the Internet. To be clear: using the internet, you can talk to anyone or consume anything that anyone has ever made, written, said or done in about five seconds.
Oh, and if you don’t like any of this stuff? Feel free to leave. Go stretch your legs. Offices are usually spaces where you can come and go as you please. Just leave the building for a spell. Clear your head. Free yourself of all that stress. Of not doing anything.
Who would choose to do any work in this scenario? Sure, you’re supposed to write that boring report. And you will. Eventually. But who would choose to do it quickly, when you can take the sweetest possible time doing it?
Offices are built in a way that ENCOURAGES procrastination. The amount of time I waste at work is mind-boggling. Cumulatively, I must have spent WEEKS of my life refreshing Reddit or watching movie trailers (mostly for terrible movies I have no intention of seeing).
My grandfather would not recognize my office as a place of work. He would call it what it is: a playground with photocopiers. He was a real man. He ran a printing press and killed Nazis. What the fuck are we?
Booze conundrum
I just think I'm funnier with two drinks in me. Does that train HAVE to end up at Belushi Junction or can I get away with it?
Water
"Drink more water" is some people's solution to literally every problem.
An important message from the Chairman
I've used drugs and I've used exercise. Exercise is cheaper.
Future old me
I'll be the kind of old guy who carries three plastic bags around for no reason.
Daily links
Why is Tiger Woods the only successful African-American PGA golfer? The answer may be more complicated than you think. Richard Dreyfuss is suing Disney. The case is about profit-sharing from What About Bob?, a movie he made almost 25 years ago.
How the original Star Wars lightsaber sound was made. Watch until the end.
Dutch banker fired over 'integrity issues' (working as a Nazi-themed dominatrix prostitute on the side).
ESPN anchor berates a parking attendant on video. Not a great look.
Dusty Rose Vintage
Attention Brooklynites: my lesbian life partner Maresa Ponitch is hosting SUPER DOPE workshops all next week at Dusty Rose Vintage, the vintage clothing warehouse she owns and runs. Learn to make perfume, custom stamp necklaces, indigo-dyed clothing, ceramic pinch bowls, and all kinds of wild stuff. It's all in honor of Earth Week. Check out the schedule below (or here): it's going to be a cool week.
