Infinite Jest turns 20 years old today. I definitely read it. What was your favorite part? That was my favorite part also.
Ringling Brothers, burying bad news on a sad day
Ringling Bros. Circus are retiring their elephants. Bon appétit, lions!
Miss Universe
Steve Harvey has made a mockery of this which-lady-is-the-prettiest contest. #MissUniverse
Schadenfreude
Martin Shkreli probably needs a Xanax right now. I'm willing to sell him one for $500,000.
Food
Me: I need to stop using food to deal with my problems.Calendar: get ready for two giant holidays all about food!
Plea
Send help: I'm stuck in an earnest conversation about phone providers.
Will Smith announces upcoming album release
What's the worst thing Will Smith has ever made? A lot to choose from, but I have to say Jaden.
Google's logo change
I really have a great job sometimes.
GOP-lease, enough already
We now have enough GOP Presidential candidates for a pretty good game of Jenga.
Nightly Show jokes 6.15.15
THE PRESIDENT OF A LOCAL NAACP CHAPTER IS A WHITE WOMAN WHO PRETENDS TO BE BLACK.IT’S ALL VERY STRANGE, BUT LET’S SALUTE THE ONE HERO IN THIS STORY: HER HAIR STYLIST.
THE PRESIDENT OF THE SPOKANE NAACP IS A WHITE WOMAN PRETENDING TO BE BLACK. THE WIDER BLACK COMMUNITY IN SPOKANE SAID HE WAS OUTRAGED.
THE CASE OF THE NAACP PRESIDENT WHO PRETENDS TO BE BLACK. IS SHE REALLY WHITE, OR IS THIS JUST THE WORST CASE OF ASHINESS WE’VE EVER SEEN?
JEB BUSH HAS A NEW CAMPAIGN LOGO, BUT IT DOESN’T FEATURE HIS LAST NAME. HIS TEAM MUST FEEL LIKE BIKINI WAXERS. THEY'RE REMOVING ALL TRACE OF BUSH.
A new era
Fun fact: "Call me Caitlyn" is the opening line of Herman Melville's little-known sequel, 'Moby Pussy'. #CaitlynJenner
Goodbye American Idol
https://twitter.com/ComedyCentral/status/597808420696166400
Here in NYC, it's snowing. In late March.
If anyone needs me, I'll be yelling fuck you at the sky.
Starbucks and the #RaceTogether campaign
White people have to talk racial justice while they drink coffee? Well, they won't like that. No one likes discussing race with something hot, black and African in their mouths. #RaceTogether
Selma rage
I'm so angry that the Academy snubbed Selma Hayek.
Strategy
"I'm playing the long game." (- long jumper)
Dumb
"Tough cloud." (- Stand-up comic in heaven)
The Palins
How awful are the Palins? It says a lot when the best behaved member of your family is a six year old with Down Syndrome.
Jokes!
https://twitter.com/ComedyCentral/status/511614947399188480 https://twitter.com/ComedyCentral/status/510528793904033792
I love writing jokes for Comedy Central. There. I said it.
New jokes that’ll be old soon (part 18)
A man dressed as Spiderman was arrested for punching a cop in Times Square. Who'd have thought a guy who dresses up as Spiderman and asks strangers for money... would be unstable?