New jokes (that'll be old soon)

Anthony Weiner is ahead in the polls to be New York's next Mayor. Rival Christine Quinn dismissed the news, saying "there's only one poll that matters: the stiff one you tweeted everyone." New England Patriots star Aaron Hernandez is charged with one murder and is now a suspect in two more. He's now the biggest killer in the NFL, after Parkinson's.

Edward Snowden is spending a fifth day in the transit section of Moscow Airport, fleeing U.S. espionage charges. If the Americans catch him, Snowden fears they'll either water-board him, or worse, offer him more Sbarro's.

New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg is going to be a grandfather. He doesn't care if it's a boy or a girl, as long as it's healthy and under 16 ounces.

Google is developing a video game console. It's going to be called Wii... know all your secrets so buy it or else.

A New York man was thrown out of a strip club this week for wearing his Google Glasses. "It's a real threat to privacy," said one stripper, as she mashed her buttocks into Bob from sales.

Simon Cowell is making a talent show in Afghanistan. He hopes to topple its current #1 show: "Law and Order: Can We Have Some."