If "not feeling it" was an emotion, I'd be the considered the most passionate man on earth.
Tonight's giveaway
This calendar is a) real, and b) not made by me. We're giving it away at tonight's Heavy Metal Laser Plane. Come see us in Brooklyn tonight at 8pm.
Good guys
"Never forget: we're the good guys. Now cut off that dude's head."
- some ISIS person
Heavy Metal Laser Plane
This Friday night, I'm hosting my monthly stand-up show with my dear friend and co-producer John Anderson. It's called Heavy Metal Laser Plane. I love it. I love doing it and sharing the funniest people in New York with my friends. If you can come along, I promise you won't regret it. We give you a great show. Ask anyone. It's at Legion Bar in Williamsburg, and starts at 8pm. See you there, friend.
Here's the invite: http://ift.tt/1C5GIez
Wikipedia
"I love Wikipedia. I guess you'd call me a Wikipedophile! Oh, you're leaving? OK."
One great picture
I love this picture. It was taken on a floating bar in the middle of the Hudson River. The guy in the shades is Casey James Salengo. The red hat dude is Chris Calogero. I'm gooning around in the middle. The photo was taken by Dee Guerreros. Looking at it makes me happy.
Jersey guys
Jersey guys can make anywhere Jersey.
Scotland stays British
Like Braveheart said, you may take our lives, but you will never take our semi-autonomous status in a broader political union.
Jokes!
https://twitter.com/ComedyCentral/status/511614947399188480 https://twitter.com/ComedyCentral/status/510528793904033792
I love writing jokes for Comedy Central. There. I said it.
Everyone has a path, and it sucks.
Everyone is on their own path, and also on the same path. So it's somehow lonely AND jammed with traffic.
Aioli ennui
I hate that aioli went mainstream. That used to be our thing. We were aioli people. It's not the same anymore.
Did someone turn the gravity up?
Or am I just depressed?
Performing at UCB East tonight
If you're in the East Village tonight, and feel like a fun "dessert" to cap off a great evening, come to UCB east for the midnight show. Burlesque, bands, great comedians, and me. It's a wonderful, unique show. COME.
Thought on "cool"
"Cool" is weird. We all want to be cool. But no one wants to be the coolest guy at the party. Because if you are? Eh. It's not a cool party.
British subtitles, part 2
The second part of a very fun series, created by Rita Chin. I even pretend to like Chelsea. What an actor.
Carolines
Empathy and humilty thought
The ability to make the needs of others more important than yours, for long stretches of time. This is an important ingredient in succeeding at things. It is not spoken of enough. The successful business owner is focused on her customers' needs, ahead of her own. The successful employee concentrates on his boss' needs, ahead of his own. A good performer puts the audience first, practically and philosophically. A good person, in general, is always trying to help others.
Putting someone else first is an act of empathy and humility. If you add the ability to work hard to that equation, you can succeed in anything. And spiritually, you have already succeeded. Because you won one round in the lifelong fight against your ego.
Productivity thought
All you can do is one thing at a time. I'm currently doing none of those things.
Your own bullshit
Do you believe your own bullshit? A key question for our times.
Urinal thought
What's the etiquette when someone farts at a urinal?(a) say nothing (b) say something (c) harmonize
